During the 1980’s, Dr. Millard was active
in many adoption reform/education groups. Aware that infertile pre-and-post-adoptive
parents were in need of education and therapy regarding their loss and trauma
issues, she joined and served on the board of directors of the San Francisco
Chapter of Resolve: The National Infertility Organization, and regularly
presented workshops at San Francisco Resolve’s two annual Symposia, focusing on
Infertility (medical and psychological trauma) and Adoption (choosing
well-informed professionals and coping with psychological challenges).
The focus of Maryl’s workshops: (a) Making
the transition from infertility treatment to adoption, and (b) Post traumatic
stress disorder in infertility and adoption, (c) Open vs. Closed Adoption, (d)
Common Fears in Adoption, (e) Relationships with birth parents, (f) Raising
adopted children in open adoptions, (f) Why Adoptive Parents Fear Birthparents.
Maryl’s Ph.D. dissertation was a
statistical analysis of Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder in infertile pre-and
post-adoptive parents who were traumatized by the experience of infertility,
and often traumatized further by the stress of the adoption process.
The research confirmed significant stress
from miscarriages, stillbirth, long-term hormone treatments, life-threatening
ectopic pregnancies, invasive surgical treatments, in-vitro fertilization
procedures, marital conflict, and lack of social support.
Couples reported a sensense of isolation,
an absence of social support from family, friends, coworkers, and employers, as
well as massive financial debt for under-insured medical procedures, and lost
time at work. The couples in this study were heterosexuals and had
statistically significant gender differences in stress-related behavior (which
added more alienation and stress to their relationship).
Last but not least, as walking wounded,
the couples in this study experienced significant stress navigating the
adoption system, which still supports adoption agency “professionals” who
facilitate adoptions “in house” without providing qualified, fully separate
adoption counseling for all parties. This group of agency adoption
practitioners suffers at one end of the spectrum from a lack of transparency,
and at the more independent or private adoption end, the industry has a
significant number of private adoption attorneys and facilitators, many of whom
lack training and transparency, and undervalue counseling for their clients
during and after the process. (There are some agencies, private adoption
attorneys and facilitators, who only participate in open adoptions with
counseling and mediation, assisting the parties to clarify their goals and
create an open adoption agreement). Still, problems remain in the way many
adoptions are created.
Before open adoption was established as a
healthier alternative to secret adoptions, the highly-stressed population of infertile
couples (and some single adopters) feared contact with birthparents, and they
initially opposed open adoption. Adoptive parents paid for the professional
services, which influenced professional policy makers to favor their
preferences over those of the birth/first parents. Many adopters still choose
closed agency or private adoptions, and some choose international adoptions or
closed foster adoptions in an attempt to avoid contact with birth parents.
A combination of PTSD diagnosis and
treatment, plus supportive counseling and mediation for adoptive and birth/first
parents during the adoption process, creates a context that mitigates fear and
shame.
By the 1980’s, open adoption became the
professionally preferred model of adoption by many clinical social workers and
psychotherapists in the United States. For a copy of the Infertility Stress
Syndrome research, and an overview of how these couples navigated through infertility
treatment and open adoption, see Infertility
Stress Syndrome, A Study of Pre-and Post-Adoptive Parents, by Maryl
Millard, Ph.D. Copies are available on Amazon and Kindle.
In many legal jurisdictions, open adoption
is the only way that adoptive parents can obtain a copy of their child’s
original birth certificate and birth parents’ contact information. Likewise,
for birth parents, open adoption provides a way for them to consider many
prospective adoptive parents, and personally choose who will adopt their child.
Open adoption also provides birthparents with the accurate identification,
background and contact information on the adoptive parents. Based on what we
know about the psychological damage wrought by closed adoptions, it is
surprising that they remain legal. Isn’t it time adoption policies and laws
reflected some respect for the needs of adoptees and birth/first parents, even
if they aren’t the clients who pay the salaries and operating expenses of
agencies and law practices?
Open adoption contracts are informal
agreements regarding contact between the birth parents, the adoptive parents,
and the child, both before and after the legally binding adoption is filed with
the court. Regardless of how they are crafted, they are not a formal, legally
binding part of adoption law; they are ‘good faith’ contracts, the success of
which depends on the dynamics that evolve between the parties after the
adoption. As with any relationship between relatives bound by blood or legal
agreement, there are vicissitudes of compatibility throughout the family
members’ developmental stages.
There is no factual support for the
fear-based myth that birthparents will interfere with the adoptive family, or
in any way harm or alienate the child from the adoptive parents. Isolated cases
may result in adversarial relationships but are not numerous enough to create
any significant predictive probability of emotional harm. Most importantly,
open adoption provides a starting point for an extended family relationship,
which will likely fluctuate, depending on each person’s values, geographic
location, and psycho-social dynamics. The open adoption relationship is largely
controlled by adoptive parents, so until the adoptee is an adult, there will
not be an opportunity for a relationship in which each participant is
unrestricted regarding contact. If the adoptive parents never worked through
their insecurities, they are likely to create barriers to the valid needs of
adoptees and birth/first parents.
In adoptions that involve parents whose
children were removed due to abuse or neglect, how open the adoption is depends
on responsible safety assessments, especially when birthparents are
incarcerated for violent crimes, or drug-addicted. In many cases, foster
children who are adopted often have relatives who can offer support and family
of origin information while the child matures within the adoptive family.
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